Guilt

I'm running away. I've done it before, but this time, I'm not coming back. I'm taking a boy with me. Someone I've fallen deeply in love with. He says he wants to come, but his family loves him so much. I don't want to be the one responsible for ruining his life.
I was born for this. I was born an adventurer. I WANT to run away, but I'm not entirely sure he wants to. I don't want to peer pressure him into it. I tell him, "running away is like quitting drugs; you have to WANT to from within, or it's never going to work. "
When I ran away the first time, I learned something. You can't look back. It hurts. It hurts to think of all the things you're leaving behind. You have to look forward and never, ever turn back.
I do love my parents, very much. But I need to live my own life. They have me imprisoned in this house with no contact with the outside world. They don't know I get online. And they don't suspect I'm gona make another run for it.
I want to travel the world without giving a damn. I'm willing to give up everything I have. But is this boy willing to do so also?
The only thing I know is: I'm not going unless he comes with me. But I'm not telling him that..

Letters to Heaven

On January 14, 2012, I lost two of the most important boys in my life in a car accident. One went to prison, the other to the afterlife. The deceased male just happened to be my boyfriend. I wrote letters to my locked up buddy, and I thought, if only I could simply write a letter to HIM too..

Zach,
I used to hear about love at first sight on tv and think it was just nonsense; fairytale junk. Then I saw you. You were across the lunch table almost 4 years ago. You had your long curly hair and a purple hat. I never in my life had seen a smile the size of yours.. Or someone so tall.
That day, I had my lizard and everyone at the table was telling me to let them hold it. You just sat there with your hand stretched out, and I chose you.
When we began our relationship, it was like a dream to me and I never wanted it to end. I know I caused you some moments of distress and our relationship got worse before it got better. I only got a couple months of the "better" part before you passed away.
I cling on to my memories of you with all the strength I have. How we would sneak out to see each other without caring if we got in trouble, how I would sneak you onto my bus, how you would eat with only one hand during lunch so you could hold me with the other, your funny pranks, your laugh, everything.
I never loved a boy like I loved you. I'm sorry for the time I didn't have with you , but more grateful for the time I DID have.
You're on my mind everyday, and in my heart with even more certainty. I hope the whole afterlife thing is real so I can see you again someday.
I love you, and always will for the rest of eternity.
Sam

What is happiness?

Today, my prompt for one of my essays was: what is happiness to you?
Well, it took me a long time to answer that. Truth is, I didn't know the answer. But in the end, I had to say that happiness, to me, is getting what I want. It may sound selfish, but doesn't it apply to everybody? Some people say family is what brings joy to their life. So aren't you happy when you finally have one, and vacantly sad when you don't?
So I gave a vague answer to a vague question. Getting what I want makes ME happy. When I got my precious snake, I was truly content. When I buy the dress I really like, I feel accomplished.
This brings me to think that maybe there are no selfish people out there; just people really committed to the ongoing pursuit of happiness.

18 and I still have to follow rules?

All my life I have been waiting for the day when I could say, "You're not the boss of me!" to my parents. Now that I am of "legal age," I realize it's not all dandy like I thought it would be.
About 2 months ago, I got into trouble because I ran from a cop and stayed at a friends house for a week. When I finally came home, the first thing my parents did was ground me. It's been 2 months and I STILL can't go anywhere or talk to ANYONE. I have become a recluse. I'm supposed to be out enjoying my youth. Instead, I'm locked up. I rather be in jail, at least there I can socialize. If I go out or break my "punishment rules" I get kicked out. But I'm grounded for indefinite time! Sadly I do not have the economic stability to live alone. Is this fair? My parents are ruining my life. I know it sounds cliche, but I need others' opinions.
"home is not a home. It becomes a hell, turning into your prison cell." ~Metallica